Move over Yogi

When you're feeling stupid - read these

and you'll feel much brighter !!!!!

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather

Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would

you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because

we should not live forever, because if we

were supposed to live forever, then we

would live forever, but we cannot live

forever, which is why I would not live

forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those

poor starving kids all over the world,

I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to

be skinny like that, but not with all

those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed,

you've lost a very important part

of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to

become spokesperson for federal

anti-smoking campaign
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"I've never had major knee surgery

on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky

basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington

has one of the lowest crime rates

in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves

to be kicked to death by a (word that

means donkey).

and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas ..
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the

environment. It's the impurities in

our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically

grew up in Phoenix."

-- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask

ourselves: How much clean

air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable

in football. A genius is a guy like

Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate.

We simply exclude certain types of

people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"Your food stamps will be stopped

effective March 1992 because we

received notice that you passed away.

May God bless you. You may reapply

if there is a change in your

circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville ,

South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's

imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery
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"If somebody has a bad heart,

they can plug this jack in at night

as they go to bed and it will

monitor their heart throughout

the night. And the next morning,

when they wake up dead,

there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?