Monday, July 30, 2012



A friend told the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year...."
The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."


Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."


A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"

She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."


A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."

The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"


A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND"

She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.


A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.

Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.

"Here boy!" she replies.


A blonde is in jail. A guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet.

"What the heck you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

"It should be around your neck!" says the Guard.

"I know," she replies, "but I couldn't breathe."


An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats into the water?"

To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

Friday, July 27, 2012

Generation Names

- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation.

- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.

- People born between 1965 and 1979 are Generation X

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y. 

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I grow up? 
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
Y should I care what old folks think?

But a cartoonist explains it very eloquently in this  picture.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Drivers License

I recently had to renew my drivers license.  Since I had only had a Florida Driver's license for about 67 years, it was necessary for me to provide a birth certificate.  So, my SHTW (smokin' hot trophy wife) dug through our archives and found it.  Here's what it looks like----    

I had trouble reproducing it, but the scroll says: Birth Certificate, Your treasure is registered.  If you look real closely you can see a hand written name at the very top.  That's my name,  hand written in ink by my mother.  That is the only place on the document that contains my name.  I guess it's not too strange since I was born in the isolated swamp land of Fort Myers, Fla. in 1930 (A.D.)

The next page in titled Notice of Birth Registration, 
states "Some Reasons Why"  and lists a number of reasons that the document is important To Prove Legal Age, To Prove American Citizenship, and To Prove Legitimacy.  (hmmm, interesting)

The third page lists the birth date and states it was registered in Book no. 7331, page no 16532 in the permanent records of the State Board of Health.    The birth date , book, and page no. are all typed in along with my mother's name and Ft. Myers.  So, I suspect  the Florida Bureau of Vital Statistics, in the Florida State Board of Health, did not have my name recorded at that time.  It only knew that my mother had a child on that date and location. 

The last page just had a little poem.

Based on this document,  this nearly 82 year old denizen, was given a license to continue driving for 6 more years. ????  Are you scared yet? Oh! I did have to pass an eye test, which I did with the help of recently removed cataract lenses.  

I was concerned that my Real birth certificate might not be accepted, so I paid to get another from the Florida, Bureau of Vital Statistics.  I had to send them all the information about when, and where I was born, and my name and SS number.  Then they sent me a birth certificate, that looked more like a birth certificate.  However, I was issued my license based on my original document, but the ladies behind the counter passed it around and giggled quite a bit.

I wonder if anybody could just send in a name, date, place of birth, a SS number etc., get a nice new birth certificate.  Probably not!!, But I bet The Donald (Trump), would not accept my real one.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


    Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
    But it's still on my list.

    Since light travels faster than sound,
    some people appear bright until you
    hear them speak.

    If I agreed with you, we'd both
    be wrong.

    We never really grow up, we only
    learn how to act in public.

    War does not determine who is right -
    only who is left.

    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
    Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
They begin the evening news with
'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you
why it isn't.

    To steal ideas from one person is
    plagiarism. To steal from many
    is research.

    Buses stop in bus stations.
    Trains stop in train stations.
    On my desk is a work station.

    I thought I wanted a career.
    Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    In filling out an application, where it
    says, 'In case of emergency, notify:'
    I put 'DOCTOR.

    I didn't say it was your fault,
    I said I was blaming you.

    Women will never be equal to men
    until they can walk down the street
    with a bald head and a beer gut,
    and still think they are sexy.

    Behind every successful man is his
    woman. Behind the fall of a successful
    man is usually another woman.

    A clear conscience is the sign of a
    fuzzy memory.

    You do not need a parachute to skydive.
    You only need a parachute to
    skydive twice.

    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure
    makes misery easier to live with.


There's a fine line between cuddling and
    holding someone down so they
    can't get away.

    I used to be indecisive.
    Now I'm not so sure.

    You're never too old to learn
    something stupid.

    To be sure of hitting the target,
    shoot first and call whatever
    you hit the target.

    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from
    a vending machine.

    Going to church doesn't make you
    a Christian any more than standing
    in a garage makes you a car.

    Where there's a will, there are relatives

    I'm supposed to respect my elders,
    but at my age, its getting harder and
    harder for me to find one now.