Wednesday, July 25, 2012


    Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
    But it's still on my list.

    Since light travels faster than sound,
    some people appear bright until you
    hear them speak.

    If I agreed with you, we'd both
    be wrong.

    We never really grow up, we only
    learn how to act in public.

    War does not determine who is right -
    only who is left.

    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
    Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
They begin the evening news with
'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you
why it isn't.

    To steal ideas from one person is
    plagiarism. To steal from many
    is research.

    Buses stop in bus stations.
    Trains stop in train stations.
    On my desk is a work station.

    I thought I wanted a career.
    Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    In filling out an application, where it
    says, 'In case of emergency, notify:'
    I put 'DOCTOR.

    I didn't say it was your fault,
    I said I was blaming you.

    Women will never be equal to men
    until they can walk down the street
    with a bald head and a beer gut,
    and still think they are sexy.

    Behind every successful man is his
    woman. Behind the fall of a successful
    man is usually another woman.

    A clear conscience is the sign of a
    fuzzy memory.

    You do not need a parachute to skydive.
    You only need a parachute to
    skydive twice.

    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure
    makes misery easier to live with.


There's a fine line between cuddling and
    holding someone down so they
    can't get away.

    I used to be indecisive.
    Now I'm not so sure.

    You're never too old to learn
    something stupid.

    To be sure of hitting the target,
    shoot first and call whatever
    you hit the target.

    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from
    a vending machine.

    Going to church doesn't make you
    a Christian any more than standing
    in a garage makes you a car.

    Where there's a will, there are relatives

    I'm supposed to respect my elders,
    but at my age, its getting harder and
    harder for me to find one now.

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