Friday, March 28, 2014

Would You marry Again? - Priceless

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over
at him and asks the question....

"What would you do if I died? Would you get married


"Definitely not!"

"Why not?
Don't you like being married?"

course I do.."

"Then why
wouldn't you remarry? "

okay, I'd get married again."

would?" (with a hurt look)

audible groan)

you live in our house?"

it's a great house."

you sleep with her in our bed?"

else would we sleep?"

you let her drive my car?"


"Probably, it is almost new."

you replace my pictures with hers?"

would seem like the proper thing to do."

you give her my jewelry?"

"No, I'm
sure she'd want her own."

you take her golfing with you?

those are always good times."

she use my clubs?

she's left-handed."

silence --


"Expletive deleted"

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Cranky old woman

A cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. 
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security
 guard to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and 
criticizing throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had
 stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can 
of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied,
 "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. 
She replied, "Nine, but what do you care about that?"
The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going
 to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop gavel, the lady's long suffering 
husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"
The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Class Reunion-Priceless !!!!


60th High School Reunion, he was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes,..... yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.  He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.  As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”
"Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”