Thursday, September 11, 2014

Children Are Quick


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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

ARE YA READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?????!!!!!!!


Ohio  State 's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?

Drool.
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How many Georgia Tech freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a sophomore course.
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How did the N C State football player die from drinking milk?

The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.

One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."

The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
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A University of Mississippi football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.

He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.

Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
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What do you say to a Duke University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "

"Will the defendant please rise."
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If three University of North Carolina football players are in the same car, who is driving?

The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?

There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the Wake Forest University football team like an opossum?

They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the East Carolina University linebacker steal a police car?

He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.
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What are the longest three years of a University of Florida football player’s life?

Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.

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Why are there no Nativity scenes on the FSU campus?

They can't find three wise men and a virgin.