Wednesday, September 7, 2011

One for the Ladies


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!


'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet

I noticed a remote control for a 

television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come 

shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to 






I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the 

root, and still be afraid of a spider.





A man
 walks into a pharmacy 

and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him
 and asks him 

if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for
 a box of 

tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. 

A few minutes later, he deposits 

huge bag of cotton balls and

a ball of string on the counter. 

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you

 were looking for some

tampons for your wife? 

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, 

yesterday, I sent my wife to

the store to get me a carton of 

cigarettes, and she came back 

with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause 

it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much


So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... 

so does she..

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)




A couple drove down a country road for

several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an 

argument and neither of them wanted to 

concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, 

goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, '

Relatives of


'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'



A husband read an article to his wife 


how many words women use a day.

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be

because we have to repeat everything to


The husband then turned to his wife and

asked, 'What?' 



A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know
 how you 

can be

so stupid and so
 beautiful all at

the same time..

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would

 be attracted to me;

God made me
 stupid so 

I would be attracted to you! 



A man and his wife were having an argument

 about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because

 you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as 

long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge

 of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that

 is your job, and I can just wait for

my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, 

and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened

 the New Testament and

showed him at the top of several pages,

 that it indeed says


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some

 problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next 

day, he would need his

wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning

business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break 

the silence (and LOSE), he

wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' 

He left it where he knew

she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,

 only to discover it was

9:00 AM and he had missed his 

flight Furious, he was about to

go and see why his wife hadn't

 wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper

 by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.

 Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man

before woman, but there is

always a  rough draft before 

the masterpiece

No comments:

Post a Comment