Friday, September 9, 2011

I'm coming out of retirement.

Our illustrious Governor

has announced plans to regulate and micromanage

our colleges. I guess to make them more “business”

like. A lot of people may not like this, but I'm

beginning to see the light of a wonderful opportunity.

The Governor wants to pay our college professors

according to the number of students they teach,

and to allow the students to grade them.

This really excites me, but I'm sure it won't be

acceptable in academia.

When I was a Professor of Human Physiology,

I also taught courses in anatomy and embryology.

I also did post-graduate work in radiation biology.

None of these courses as well a courses in things like

astrophysics, will not attract very many students

and they are very hard and the students would

probably give me poor grades. Therefore, I

would not want to teach any of these. I would

like to begin teaching again, probably at the

University of Central Florida. The course title

would be “Practical Applications in the use of Medical

Marijuana 101”. Now I don't know much about Marijuana.

As far as I know I've never seen any except in

a glass display case. I probably have smelled

it because others have, in my presence, said,

someone's smoking pot”, but my nose isn't

sensitive. That should not deter me though, I

visualize the course as – sort of a seminar to

determine new potential uses of medical

marijuana. You know, like the effects on acne,

hangovers, in-grown toe nails, indigestion,

carpal tunnel syndrome, and any other condition

including plain stupidity.

Students would have to pay a small laboratory

fee for the purchase of test products that they

would use in class (or homework), or they can

just bring their own supplies and symptoms.

The students would be required to write up the

results of their test programs.

I believe this course would be quite popular

and we would need to use the Citrus Bowl

for our classroom.

I suspect with about 50,000 students, whom

would undoubtedly give me a stellar report

card, the Governor would see fit to give me

a pile of money.

The next semester, I could offer the “102” course

and then next year start “201”. After a few years

I would have a sufficient number of students

reports and could publish them perhaps winning

a Nobel Prize with another pile of money,

and gain the fame of other recipients.

On second thought, maybe I'll just eat some oatmeal


And go take a nap.

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