IT'S SO HOT IN TEXAS
....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance
....hot water comes from both taps.
....you can make sun tea instantly.
....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron
....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter.
....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS
(at least around Waxahachie )
That the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
The Methodists are using wet-wipes,
Presbyterians are giving rain checks,
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!
"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth."
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at CrossTrails Church in Fairlie , Texas :
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Y'all git all that?
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Texas;
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number,
you may live in Texas;
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to usethem, you may live in Texas;
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;
If you find 60 degree little chilly,'
you may live in Texas;
If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends,you DEFINITELY live in Texas.