Saturday, August 21, 2010

I appreciate religion and art

I appreciate religion and art

Sister Margaret died and went to heaven. There she was met by Saint Peter. Saint Peter said, “ Sister Margaret, you have lived a remarkable life in that you have never sinned. I'm going to send you back so you can experience and understand sin. I want you to go back now and tonight I want you to smoke a cigarette, then call be in the morning”.
Next morning Sister Margaret called Saint Peter and told him she had smoked a cigarette and it tasted terrible, burned her mouth, and made her cough. Saint. Peter said, “That's good Sister Margaret. Now tonight I want you to drink some whiskey and call be in the morning”.
Next morning Sister Margaret called and said, “Saint Peter, I drank some whiskey last night and I couldn't see very well, my head was spinning and I threw up”. Saint Peter said, “ That's very good Sister Margaret. Now there's just one more task for you and that is to know a man biblically-to have sex with him. Then call me in the morning”.
Three weeks later, Saint Peter played his answering machine and got the following message. “Yo Pete, Maggy here. It's gonna be a while.”


Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh 

The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh 

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh 

His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh 

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh 

 The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh 

The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh 

The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh 
I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!

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