Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Medical News

 Gotta love this doctor.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular

exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?  

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and

that it... Don't waste on exercise.  Everything

wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not

make you live longer; it like saying you

extend life of car by driving faster. 

Want to live longer?  Take nap.  

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A:  Oh no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy

distilled wine, that mean they take water out

of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness

that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up! 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  

A: Well, if you have body and you have

fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have

two body, your ratio two to one. 

Q: What are some of the advantages

of participating in a regular exercise program?  

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. 

My philosophy: No pain...good!              
Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried

in vegetable oil.  How getting more vegetable be bad? 

 :  Will sit-ups help prevent me from

getting a little soft around the middle? 
 A:  Oh no!  When you exercise muscle,

it get bigger.  You should only be doing

sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me? 

  A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean! 

Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around! 

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?   

A:  If swimming good for figure,

explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for

my lifestyle?   

A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!  

Well... I hope this has cleared up any

misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets. 

And  remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the

grave with the intention of arriving

safely in an attractive and well-preserved

body, but rather to skid in sideways -

Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in

the other - body thoroughly used up,

totally worn out and screaming

"WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"   

For  those of you who watch what you

eat, here's the final word on nutrition and

health.  It's a relief to know the truth after

all those conflicting nutritional studies.     
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer

fewer heart attacks than Americans. 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer

fewer heart attacks than Americans. 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and

suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer

fewer heart attacks than Americans...  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots

of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks

than Americans. 
CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what

you like.  Speaking English is

apparently what kills you.

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