Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Minnesota Humor

On their honeymoon trip they were 
nearing Minneapolis when Ole put
his hand on Lena 's knee 
Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go
 farther than that if you vant to.'
So Ole drove to Duluth.


When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents 
in the outhouse, he immediately
threw in his watch and billfold. 
He explained, 'I'm not going down
 dere yust  for 50 cents.'


 A Norwegian appeared with five other
 men in a rape case police line-up. 
As the victim entered the room, 
the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'


 A Swedish woman competed with a French woman
 and an English woman in the Breast Stroke 
division of an English Channel swim competition.
The Frenchwomancame in first, the Englishwoman
 second. The Swede reached shore completely
 After being revived with blankets and coffee, 
she remarked, 'I don't vant to
complain, but I tink dose other two girls
used der arms.'


The Swedes invented the toilet seat.
Twenty years later the Norwegians 
invented the hole in it.


Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing
 in Canada and returned with only one fish. 
'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400'
 said the first Norwegian
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price
it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'


A Swede took a trip to Fargo , North Dakota .
While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool
 spoke to him in a friendly manner ... 
'Look,' he said, 'let's have a game if you
 answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you can't,
 then you buy ME one, Okay?'
 'Ya, dat sounds purty good,' said the Swede.
 The Indian said, 'My father and my mother 
had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't
my sister.  Who was it?' 
The Swede scratched his head and finally said,
 'I give up. Who vas 
it?' 'It was ME,' chortled the Indian. 
So the Swede paid for the drinks.

 Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a 
bar and spotted one of his cronies,
'Sven,' he said, 'I got a game. If you can
 answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If 
you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun.
'Fair enough,' said Sven.
 Okay . . .. my fadder and mudder had  vun
child. It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my
 sister, Who vas it?' 
'Search me,'said Sven. 
'I give up. Who vas it?' 
'It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.'


One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda
that she had finally cured her nervous 
husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his
 'Good gracious,' said Hilda, 'How did
yew ever dew that?' 
'It vas really simple,' was Lena 's reply...
 'I yust hid his false teeth.'


Ole and Lena were getting on in years. 
Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.
One evening they were sitting on the porch
in their rockers and Ole reached over and 
patted Lena on her knee. ' Lena , vat ever 
happened tew our sex relations?' He asked.
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena.
 'I don't tink ve even got a card
from dem last Christmas.'


 Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.
 A few weeks later, Lars inquired how
she was doing with it. 
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch 
to a clarinet.' 
'How come?' asked Lars. 
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a 
clarinet, she can't sing.


The phone rings in the middle of the night
when Ole and Lena are in bed and
Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I 
know, dats two tousand miles from here'
 he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?'
 asks Lena . 'I donno, some fool wanting to
 know if da coast vas clear.

 Ole was arrested one night while walking bare
 naked down the street of the little town of
 Minnetonka , Minnesota . 
The policeman, who was a good  friend of Ole's
 said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing? 
Where are your clothes? You're naked.' 
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over
 to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party.
 Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
 'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked. 
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody
 get into the bedroom!'So vee all go into the 
bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git 
'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells,
'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here.

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