Thursday, June 2, 2011

Florida Humor

A old lady was sitting on a park little bench in ‘The Villages’, a Florida Adult


A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few

moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single..??!


Two elderly folks were living in Ft. Myers , he was a widower and she a widow,

had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went

on, he took a few admiring glances at her

and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their

respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a

faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her..

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he

reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would

marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it

with all my heart.'

Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't

remember who had asked me.'


A man was telling his neighbor in Miami, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.

It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'


OA little old man shuffled slowly into the “Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in

Naples ,

and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids


John was a Gainesville salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual

gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to


One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It

was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11 year old son, Tommy, returned home

from school two hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"

asked John..

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit

project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him

completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where

you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did

you watch?" asked his mother, Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking

him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry

I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. When I was your age, I never

lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that knocked

him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did

you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,

he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her

out of her chair.

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