Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Classic Insults

These glorious insults are from an era before the English

language got boiled down to 4-letter words..


A member of Parliament to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable


"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your

policies or your mistress."


"He had delusions of adequacy." -

Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -

Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with

great pleasure."

Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a

reader to the dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no

time reading it." -

Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -

Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." -

Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;

bring a friend, if you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there

is one." -

Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you

here." -

Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -

John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in

others." -

Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -

Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -

Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -

Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any

address on it?" -

Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -

Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever

they go."

Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for

support rather than illumination."-

Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -

Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -

Groucho Marx 

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