Thursday, February 3, 2011

Short Stories

Very Short Story

Man driving down road.

Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, PIG!

Man yells out window, WITCH!

Man rounds next curve.

Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

Thought For the Day:

If men would just listen…

A young lady motorist (a brunette...heh,heh,heh) was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the lady, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the young woman. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the lady's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the lady walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the young lady.

What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the lady," but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World."

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon, eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" "Thanks for asking, he says, but, I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.... "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak, and some scrumptious fries, and apple pie? Or maybe, a rotisserie chicken, or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up, I'm damn near starving......

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