Monday, January 31, 2011

Something for everyone

Bad News about Grandpa...

An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.

After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock. "We've never had a Republican in the family before!"


The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains office in Alaska. 

He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-Mobile when he

heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt.

The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear. 

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing 'Go Sarah' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. 

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed.. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true" 

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom." 

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"



Don't blame it on global warming,
It's all the German beer we've been drinking.
How's this for a scary ride.

What happens when you eat too many doughnuts---
Can't we all get along?

Who the hell stole my pacifer?

How you know when to stop driving.

What makes you think I did it.

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