1. She was in
the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of
her young granddaughter,
as she'd done many times before. After she applied her
lipstick and started to
leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to
kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again
without thinking about
kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson
called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me
how old I was, and I told
him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you
start at 1?"
3. After putting her
grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks
and a droopy blouse and
proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a
towel around her head and
stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with
stern warnings. As she
left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a
trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was
telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was
like. "We used to
skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it
hung from a tree in our
front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries
in the woods." The
little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she
said, "I sure wish
I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was
visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you
and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we
alike?'' "You're
both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was
diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him
she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I
don't know," she
replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my
granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point
out something and ask what color it was. She would tell
me and was always
correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she
headed for the door,
saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some
of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy
and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights
off until we were inside
to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us
in.. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no
use Grandpa. Now the
mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked
me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your
underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came
home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned
how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a
little surprised, tried
to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she
said. "How
do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to
'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic:
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy
wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The
teacher took the lad
aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?"
she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a
child."
12. A grandfather was
delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a
fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog. The
children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him
to keep crowds
back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for
good
luck." A third child
brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she
said firmly, "to
find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was
asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at
the airport, and when we
want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done
having her visit, we take
her back to the airport."
14. b Grandpa is the
smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I
don't get to see him
enough to get as smart as him!b
15. b My Grandparents
are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they
blame their dog.b
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