Saturday, June 23, 2012


It’s a dog’s life, after all J

Yesterday I was at my local Sam’s

Club buying a large bag of Purina dog

chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the

Wonder Dog and was in the check-out

line when a woman behind me asked

if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to

do, on impulse I told her that no,

I didn't have a dog, I was starting

the Purina Diet again. I added that

I probably shouldn't, because I ended

up in the hospital last time, but that

I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened

in an intensive care ward with tubes

coming out of most of my orifices

and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect

Diet and that the way that it works is, to

load your pants pockets with Purina

Nuggets and simply eat one or two every

time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going

to try it again. (I have to mention here that

practically everyone in line was now

enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive

care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a

poodle's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to

have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Sam’s Club won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the World to think

of crazy things to say. 

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