Because I'm a man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.  Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win. ______________________________________________ Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,  I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what  I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say  to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now  with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know  where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and  break wind, as a form of holy communion. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone  to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed  and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so  for you, this is no problem. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic  groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be  expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I  know, these are the same thing. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops  working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that  this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person  gets here and has to put it back together. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote  control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been  misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though  one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....  ( applies to engineers mainly). _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm  thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,  sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when  you ask, so don't ask. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or  have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she  calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever  you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.  And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the  movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't  ..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will  certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to  others. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I  thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,  too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,  looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go  now? _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2012, I  will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,  the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,  and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden  with a beer wondering what to do. This has been a public service message for women to  better understand men