Wednesday, October 6, 2010



I lied!! It”s really about blondes, but I didn't want to always be picking on them, but there are so many good stories about them. SO! Feel free to substitute – brunette, red head, or man whenever you see---blonde.

Be a Good Secretary

The blonde secretary was leaving the office when she saw the CEO standing by the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," the CEO said, "this is a very important document. Do you know how this thing works?"
 The secretary turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
 "Great," the CEO said as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need just one copy."

Mirror, Mirror

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Which is Further Away?

Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
 "Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

The Blonde and the Shepard

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
 The shepherd, always the gentleman, replied, "Of course."
 The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."
 This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right. Okay. I will keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
 The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful then the others.
 When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Heads or Tails

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
 The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
 "I finished the exam in half an hour," she explained, "but now I'm rechecking my answers."

State Capitals

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."

Pregnant Pause

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

Ventriloquist Dummy

Morris, a ventriloquist, is doing a show at a local club. With the dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual repertoire of dumb blonde jokes.
 Suddenly a blonde woman in the fourh row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype a woman that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and reaching our full potential as a person, just because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general! And all in the name of so-called humor!"
 Morris is shocked. He begins to apologize when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to the little jerk on your knee."

Roe vs. Wade

The professor teaching an American History asked a blonde in the class what she knew about the Roe vs. Wade decision.
 She pondered this weighty question and finally answered, "I think that is the decision that George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."

Drive-In Movie

Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Honest Mechanic

One blonde related to another, "I was so worried that the garage mechanic might try to rip me off. But then I was relieved when he told me that all I needed was turn signal fluid."

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