MEMORIAL DAY

It is the VETERAN who serves under the Flag,

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.  God, Bless them all!!!

FEDERAL BENEFIT CHECK ?????

SOCIAL SECURITY becomes

FEDERAL BENEFIT CHECK 

Have you noticed, the Social Security check is now referred to as a "Federal Benefit Payment"? 

The government is now referring to our Social Security checks as a Federal Benefit Payment. 
This isn't a benefit it. It is earned income! Not only did we all contribute to Social Security but our employers did too. 

It totaled 15% of our income before taxes .

If you averaged $30K per year over your working life, that's close to $180,000 Invested in Social Security . 

If you calculate the future value of your monthly investment in social security( $375/month, including both your and your employers contributions) at a meager 1% Interest rate Compounded monthly, after 40 years of working you'd have more than $1.3+ million dollars saved!

This is your personal investment . Upon retirement, if you took out only 3% per year , you'd receive $39,318 per year, or $3,277 per month .

That's almost three times more than today's average Social Security benefit of $1,230 per month,according to the Social Security Administration

(Google it - its a fact).

And your retirement fund would last more than 33 years (until you're 98 if you retire at age 65)! I can only imagine how much better most average-income people could live in retirement if our government had just invested our money in low-risk interest-earning accounts .

Instead, the folks in Washington pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever did. 

They took our money and used it elsewhere.

They forgot (ignored) that it was OUR money they were taking.

They didn't have a referendum to ask us if we wanted to lend the money to them .

And they didn't pay interest on the debt they assumed .

And recently, they've told us that the money won't support us for very much longer .

But is it our fault they misused our investments? 

And now, to add insult to injury, they're calling it a benefit, as if we never worked to earn every penny of it.

Just because they borrowed the money,
Doesn't mean that our investments were a charity !

Let's take a stand .

We have earned our right to Social Security and Medicare.

Demand that our legislators bring some sense into our government .

Find a way to keep Social Security and Medicare going, for the sake of that 92% of our population who need it. *Then call it what it is:
Our Earned Retirement Income.

Muslim Heritage

                       This kind of puts the whole thing in perspective.

                        *THIS IS RIGHT  ON!!!

                        *Have you ever seen a Muslim  hospital?*

                        *Have you heard a Muslim  orchestra?*

                        *Have you seen a Muslim band march in a  parade?*

                        *Have you witnessed a Muslim  charity?*

                        *Have you seen Muslims, shaking hands  with Muslim
Girl Scouts?*

                        *Have you seen a Muslim  Candy Striper?*

                        *Have your seen a Muslim do  anything that
contributes positively to the American  way of life ???? *

                        *The answer is no, you did not.  Just ask yourself
WHY ???*


                       Muslims to this  day are still the largest
traffickers in human  slavery.
                       

                        In fact, devout Muslims  demand that women are
subservient to men in the Islamic  culture So much so, that often they are
beaten for not  wearing the 'hajib' or for talking to a man who is not a
direct family member or their husband.
                        Yep, the Muslims  are all for women's rights, aren't
they?

                     
                        If they  weren't flying planes into the World Trade
Center, the  Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 people
on our own soil, they were rejoicing in the Middle  East.
                        No one can dispute the pictures shown from all parts
of the Muslim world celebrating on CNN, Fox News,  MSNBC and other cable
news networks that day.

 
                        To many Americans, their  silence has meant approval
for the acts of that  day.

                     

                        And now we can add November 5,  2009 -the slaughter
of American soldiers at Fort Hood by a Muslim major who is  a doctor and a
psychiatrist who was supposed to be  counseling soldiers returning from
battle in Iraq and  Afghanistan.

Should Islam be considered a religion under our Constitution, or placed where it belongs, a cult?

Preparing for Memorial Day

It is the
VETERAN,
not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.

It is
the VETERAN,
not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of

the press. 

It is the 

VETERAN,
not the poet, 

who has given 

us freedom of speech.
 
It is
the VETERAN,
not the politician,
who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is
the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial. 

It is
the VETERAN,
not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.



It is the VETERAN 

who salutes the Flag

Jessie the chicken plucker

Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right.

He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days

Pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us

Wouldn't have to.

It wasn't much of a job. But at the time,

Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.

His father was a brute of a man.
His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill

And treated Jesse rough all of his life.

Jesse's older brother wasn't much better.
He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up.

Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in

West Virginia. Life was anything but easy.

And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.
That's why he was standing in this chicken line,

Doing a job that darn few people wanted.

In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems

That Jesse was always sick. Sometimes it was real

physical illness, but way too often it was all in his head.

He was a small child, skinny and meek.
That sure didn't help the situation any.

When he started to school, he was the object

of every Bully on the playground.
He was a hypochondriac of the first order.
For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something

he Looked forward to.

But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist.

He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with

Sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until

He could get a real ventriloquist dummy.

When he got old enough, he joined the military.

And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms

Persisted, the military did recognize his talents and

Put him in the entertainment corp.
That was when his world changed.
He gained confidence.

He found that he had a talent for making people laugh,

And laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes.
Yes, little Jesse had found himself.

You know, folks, the history books are full of people

Who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success

Of themselves, but Jesse is one of the few I know of

Who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia

To make a million dollars, and become one of

The best-loved characters of all time in doing it!

Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac, who transferred

His nervousness into a successful career, still holds the

Record for the most Emmy's given in a single category.

The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian

Who brought us Barney Fife

Was

Jesse Don Knotts.

Wonderful English from Around the World

Cocktail lounge, Norway:LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi:TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery:PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest:IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE         OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
A Laundry in Rome:LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Best Lawyer Story

The best lawyer story of all time . . . bar none.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from

the city's most successful lawyer. So aUnited Way volunteer paid the

lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that

even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't

give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to

your community through the United Way ?'

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research  also

show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and

she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh . . . no,

I didn't know  that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a

disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is

unable  to support his wife and six children?'

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology,

but is cut  off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's

husband  died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her

penniless with a mortgage  and three children,

one of whom is disabled and another that has  learning

disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliatedUnited Way rep, completely beaten, says,

'I'm so  sorry, I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So . . . if I didn't give any

money to them,  what makes you think I'd give any to you?

Remember the old-time Jewish comedians:

*  A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says,  "Are you 
comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good  living."

*  I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my  mother-in-law to
the  airport.


*  I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If  my wife
finds  out, she'll kill me!


*  Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be  reporting it.
The  thief spends less than my wife  did.


*  We always hold hands. If I let go, she  shops.


*  My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.  My wife
calls it  the Dead Sea .


*  My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our  wedding
night. This  time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom  and 
cried.


*  My Wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was  only for
the  estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two  days. Then
the mud  fell off.


*  The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man  couldn't pay his
bill,  so the doctor gave him another six  months.


*  The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your  check came
back."  Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my  arthritis!"


*  Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!"  Doctor: "See!
What  did I tell you?"


*  A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The  man asks,
"Doc, how  do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what  puzzles  me!"

*  Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't   answer!"


*  A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says,  "You've been
brought  here for drinking. " The drunk says,"Okay,  let's get 
started."


*Why  do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth  it.


*  Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want   to.


*The  Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish  women like
Chinese  food so much. The study revealed that the reason  for this is
because Won  Ton spelled backward is Not Now.  There  is a big
controversy on the  Jewish view of when life begins. In  Jewish
tradition, the fetus is not  considered viable until it  graduates
from law school.


Q  : Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A : Alcohol  interferes with their  suffering.


*Q  : Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess  horror movie?
A  : It's called, "Debbie Does  Dishes."


*Q  : Why do Jewish mothers make great parole  officers?
A : They never  let anyone finish a  sentence.


*A  man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"  Not too
good,"  said the mother. "I've been very weak. " The son  said, "Why
are you so  weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in  38 days."
The son said,  "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in  38 days? "
The mother  answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to  be full in
case you should  call."


*A  Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they  always had two
choices  for dinner - Take it or leave  it.


*A  Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother  he has a
part in  the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy  says, "I play
the part of  the Jewish husband. " The mother scowls  and says, "Go
back and tell the  teacher you want a speaking  part."


Q  : Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his  wife?
A : Under  the vacuum cleaner.


Q  : How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a  light bulb?
A :  (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark.  I don't want to be a
  nuisance to anybody."


Short  summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill  us, we
won, let's  eat.


A  Jewish mother gives her son a blue shirt and a brown  shirt for his
  birthday. On the next visit, he wears the brown  one.  The mother 
says, "What's the matter already? Didn't you  like the blue  one?"


Did  you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish  mother on the
street  and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days."  "Force
yourself," she  replied.


Q  : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a  Jewish mother?
A  : Eventually, the Rottweiler lets  go.


Q  : Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A : Because  Jewish women don't  like anything that isn't 20%  off

Modern times