Potatoes

Well, A Girl Potato and Boy

Potato had eyes for each other,



And finally they got married,

and had a little sweet Potato,

which they Called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best

for Yam.


When it was time, they told

her about the facts Of life.

They warned her about going


Out and getting Half-baked,

so she wouldn't get accidentally

mashed, and Get a bad name

for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and


End up with a bunch of tater tots



Yam said not to worry, no

Spud would get Her into the sack

and make a rotten potato out of her!




But on the other hand she

wouldn't stay home and become a

Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise

so as not to be skinny like

her shoestring cousins.



When she went off to Europe ,

Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam


To watch out For the hard-boiled

guys from Ireland and the greasy

guys from France called the

French fries.



And When she went out West, to


Watch out for the Indians



so she wouldn't get scalloped...


Yam said she would stay on the

straight and Narrow and wouldn't

associate with Those high class

Yukon Golds, or the ones from

the other side of the tracks

who advertise their trade on all


The trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'



Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent

Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's


Potato University ) so that when

she graduated she'd really be

in the Chips.But in spite of

all they did for Her,

one-day Yam came home


And announced she was


Going to marry Tom Brokaw.



Tom Brokaw!


Mr. AndMrs.


Potato were very upset.


They told Yam she couldn't


Possibly marry Tom Brokaw



because he's just.......



Are you


Ready for this?



Are


You sure?

*


OK!


Here it is!

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A COMMONTATER

Well, A Girl Potato and Boy

Donut seeds - Offbeat

Donut seeds - Offbeat

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM A SOUTHERN GUY!

31. When I retire, I'm movin' North.

30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a 

Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes 

instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a rat's behind who won the 

Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from

 the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing 

at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered 

at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the 

Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" 

that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, 

Becky Mae.....darlin'

AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL

 NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!

A really scary story

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears: BUMP...  BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP...  BUMP... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.  However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels, the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything,  but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... and, (hopefully you're really ready for this!!!) The coffin stops!

Rules for Halloween for Seniors:

Now you remember why you are

too old to Trick or Treat :  

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,

and you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'

And you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...'

And you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full

of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that

doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the

neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should

not go Trick Or Treating...

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1. You keep having to go home to tinkle.

No matter, hope you had a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.