Thursday, January 23, 2014

And then there's the one about...

A newly retired  pilot was walking down the street, on his way to a retired helicopter pilots breakfast, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for a meal.

The retired  pilot took out his wallet, extracted a twenty dollar bill and asked the guy, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of food?"

"No, I had to stop drinking many years ago when I was a  pilot," the homeless man replied.

"You were once a  pilot?"n 
"Yes," the homeless man replied.  "I flew for 12 years, until I was fired for drinking on duty and I lost my retirement after wrecking an aircraft  the same day."

“Will you use this $20 to only buy donuts and coffee instead of buying nutritious food?"  "No, I don't waste time with sugary foods," the homeless man said.  "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive and eat as well as I can."

"Will you spend this $20 on greens fees at a golf course instead of good food?"  "Are you nuts?" replied the homeless man.  "I haven't played golf in 20 years since I was fired from the company."

“Will you spend the money on a woman over in the red light Tenderloin District instead of buying good food?"  “What disease would I get for a lousy twenty bucks?  I hate hookers!" exclaimed the homeless man.

“Well," said the retired  pilot, "I'm not going to give you the money now.  Instead, I'm going to take you to a terrific  pilot’s breakfast around the corner and get you to tell the retired  pilots your story, and then you get the money."

The homeless man was astounded.  "Won't these fellows be furious with you for doing that?  I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting, man."

The newly retired pilot replied, "That's okay.  It's important for them all to see what a  pilot looks like after he has given up beer, donuts, golf and sex."

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