BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

> These are classified ads, which were actually placed in
 U.K. Newspapers: 
> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 
> 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! 
> ___________________________________________ 
> FREE PUPPIES 
> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog. 
> ________________________________________________ 
> FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered 
German Shepherd. 
> Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a
 single bound. 
> _______________________________________________________ 
> COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay 
bull for sale. 
> ________________________________________________________ 
> JOINING NUDIST COLONY! 
> Must sell washer and dryer £100. 
> _____________________________________________________________ 
> WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. 
> Worn once by mistake. 
> Call Stephanie. 
> ___________________________________________________________ 
> And the WINNER is... 
> FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of
 Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 
> Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. 
> No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. 
> (Statement of the Century) 
> 
> 
> ____________________________ 
> Children Are Quick 
> TEACHER: Why are you late? 
> STUDENT: Class started before I got here. 
> ____________________________________ 
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on
 the floor? 
> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 
> __________________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
> TEACHER: No, that's wrong 
> GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
> (I Love this child) 
> ____________________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
> DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 
> TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
> __________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
 that we didn't have ten years ago. 
> WINNIE: Me! 
> __________________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
> _______________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I.' 
> MILLIE: I is. 
> TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 
> MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 
> ________________________________ 
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
 father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
 know why his father didn't punish him? 
> LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. 
> ______________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say
 prayers before eating? 
> SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
> ______________________________ 
> TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is
 exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? 
> CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. 
> (I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
> ___________________________________ 
> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who 
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
> HAROLD: A teacher 
> __________________________________ 
> PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH 
> Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of
 the tunnel has been turned off. 
> 
>