> These are classified ads, which were actually placed in
> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
> 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
> FREE PUPPIES
> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.
> FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered
> Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a
> COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay
bull for sale.
> JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
> Must sell washer and dryer £100.
> WEDDING DRESS FOR
> Worn once by mistake.
> Call Stephanie.
> And the WINNER is...
> FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of
Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
> Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
> No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
> (Statement of the Century)
> Children Are Quick
> TEACHER: Why are you late?
> STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on
> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
> TEACHER: No, that's wrong
> GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
> (I Love this child)
> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
> TEACHER: What are you talking about?
> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
> WINNIE: Me!
> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with '
> MILLIE: I is.
> TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
> MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
> LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
> TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
> SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
> (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
> HAROLD: A teacher
> PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
> Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of
the tunnel has been turned off.