Will Rogers

"Never squat while wearing your spurs"

Will Rogers

, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of

the

greatest political sages this country has ever

known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a

woman.

Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop

digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it

and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to find

out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience,

and a lot of that

comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd,

take a look back every

now and then

to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole

lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain

lion felt so good he

started roaring.

He kept it up until a hunter came

along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull,

keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point

when you stop lying

about your age and start bragging

about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things

seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back

their odometers.

Not me; I want people to know

'why' I look this way.

I've traveled a long way, and some

of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and

would like to go back to youth,

think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old

when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over

the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things

no one tells you about aging

is that it's such a nice

change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening

to see how splendid theday has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful,

but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed

and beat the ground with

sticks,

it was called witchcraft.

Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn

to laugh at trouble,

you won't have anything to

laugh at when you're old.