Happy Hour

Points to Ponder

Hallmark????

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........    //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... she moved in with me.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... 'What the hell was I thinking?'  & nbsp;~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby?   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. -------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------- I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.   ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.   #################################################### Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. ******************************************************************************** Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.   ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// We have been friends for a very long time . let's say we stop? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. ===================================================== Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) So your daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay

My new diet

Guess we will have to alter our gardening practices next year. 

 

Can't eat pork, Swine flu...

 

 
Can't eat chicken, Bird flu.

 
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow....

 
Can't eat eggs, Salmonella.

 
Can't eat fish, heavy metal poison 

in their waters.

 
Can't eat fruits and veggies, insecticides and herbicides.

   
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!M
M
M
M
M
MM
M
M
M
M

 
I believe that leaves chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!

Remember - - - 'STRESSED'spelled backwards! is'DESSERTS' 

Sowing Seeds

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a
successor to take over the business.


Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do
something different. He called all the young executives in his company
together.


He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have
decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the
boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one
very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back
here
one
year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I
will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the
next CEO."


One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a
seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him
get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would
water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some  of

the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that
were beginning to grow.


Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew


Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.


By now, others were talking about their plants,
but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.


Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed

his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing
Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering
and fertilizing the soil - he so wanted the seed to grow.


A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company
brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.


Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot.
But she asked him to be honest about what happened.

Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing
moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to
the board room.

When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the
other executives. They were beautiful - in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his

empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry
for
him!


When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.




Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and
flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed
the next CEO!"


All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his
empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim
was
terrified.. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have
me fired!"


When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his
seed, Jim told him the story.


The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then
announced to the young executives, "This is your next Chief Executive
Officer!


His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.


"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.


Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.



I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me 
today.

But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for
them to grow.


All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When
you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for
the one I gave you.

Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with
my seed in it.

Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"


* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap
later.

Great Poem

A

-

- - A drunk man in an Oldsmobile They said had run the light That caused the six-car pileup On 109 that night. When broken bodies lay about And blood was everywhere, The sirens screamed out eulogies,  For death was in the air. She fought to loose her pinned hands She struggled to get free, But mangled metal held her fast In grim captivity. Her frightened eyes then focused On where the back seat once had been, But all she saw was broken glass and Two children's seats crushed in. Her twins were nowhere to be seen; She did not hear them cry,  And then she prayed they'd ben thrown free, Oh, God don't let them die! Then firemen came and cut her loose, But when they searched the back, They found therein no little boys, But seat belts were intact. They thought the woman had gone mad And was traveling alone, But when they turned to question her, They discovered she was gone. Policemen saw her running wild And screaming above the noise In beseeching supplication,  Please help me find my boys! They're four years old and wear blue shirts; Their jeans are blue to match. One cop spoke up, They're in my car, And they don't have a scratch. They said their daddy put them there And gave them each a cone, Then told them both to wait for Mom To come and take them home. I've searched the area high and low, But I can't find their dad. He must have fled the scene, I guess, and that is very bad. The mother hugged the twins and said, While wiping at a tear, He could not flee the scene, you see, For he's been dead a year. The cop just looked confused and asked, Now,  how can that be true? The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came  And left a kiss for you. He told us not to worry, And that you would be all right, And then he put us in this car with The pretty, flashing light... We wanted him to stay with us, Because we miss him so, But Mommy, he just hugged us tight And said he had to go.   He said someday we'd understand And told us not to fuss, And he said to tell you, Mommy, He's watching over us. The mother knew without a doubt That what they spoke was true, For she recalled their dad's last words, I will watch over you. The firemen's notes could not explain The twisted mangled car,  And how the three of them escaped  Without a single scar. But on the cop's report was scribed, In print so very fine, An angel walked the beat tonight, On Highway 109.