THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM A SOUTHERN GUY!

31. When I retire, I'm movin' North.

30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a 

Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes 

instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a rat's behind who won the 

Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from

 the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing 

at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered 

at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the 

Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" 

that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, 

Becky Mae.....darlin'

AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL

 NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!