Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and
that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not
make you live longer; it like saying you
extend life of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy
distilled wine, that mean they take water out
of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness
that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have
fat, your ratio one to one. If you have
two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages
of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.
My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried
in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle,
it get bigger. You should only be doing
sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean!
Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure,
explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for
my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming
"WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you
eat, here's the final word on nutrition and
health. It's a relief to know the truth after
all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots
of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what
you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you.
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