Poetry

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION


ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming:

That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other

--that is until I met your brother.

Roses are re, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

but don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.

Damn, I'm good at telling lies.

My love you take my breath away,

what have you stepped in to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell,

except for maybe, 'Go to Hell'.

What inspired the amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING.

********

Texas Bank Robber A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, 'Well, did anyone else see my face?' There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then, one old cowboy (BillyBob)tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said, 'My wife got a pretty good look at you.'

A REBIRTH

A 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you haveanother 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied: I didn't recognize you."