RED SKELTON'S RECIPE :

For  those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton,

 see what you missed. His humor was always clean 

and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of 

 great 'one liner's' from the man who was

 known for his clean humour.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT  MARRIAGE

1. Two  times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food  and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also  sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas  ..

3. I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way  back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our  anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I  suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she  shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric  bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit  down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car  wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked  where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and  looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the  garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late

for the garbage?" The driver said,  "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of  divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name  was ' Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't  like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife  asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just  hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when  humor

didn't have to start with a four letter word.

It  was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the  words,

"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his  face.