Puns-R-Us

·  I tried to catch some fog.  I mist.·

When chemists die, they barium.·

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.·

A soldier who survived mustard gas and

pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. ·  I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

               He says he can stop any time.

·  How does Moses make his tea?  Hebrews it.·

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

          Then it dawned on me.

·  This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.·

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I can't put it down.·

I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.·

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.·

This dyslexic man walks into a bra.·

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.·

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.·

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?·

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.·

What does a clock do when it's hungry?  It goes back four seconds.·

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!·

Broken pencils are pointless.·

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.·

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.·

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.·

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.·

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen.

Police say they have nothing to go on.·

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.·

Velcro - what a rip off!·

Cartoonist found dead in home.  Details are sketchy.