Puns For Lexiphiles

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered . You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under. Every calendar's days are numbered A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine . A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Lexiphiles (i.e., "lovers of words" you know . . . . like . . .. you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish . . . or, I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . . . .. then it hit me . . . .etc.) To write with a broken pencil is . . . . When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate. A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground. The batteries were given out . . . free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist married . . . They fought tooth and nail. A will is a . . . dead giveaway. If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner. You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it. When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He's all right now. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory. A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's your Count that votes. When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end. When she saw her first strands of gray hair . . . she thought she'd dye. Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done.