TO MY BLONDE AND NOT SO BLONDE FRIENDS

A friend told the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year...." The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?" She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND" She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks. "Here boy!" she replies. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde is in jail. A guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet. "What the heck you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "It should be around your neck!" says the Guard. "I know," she replies, "but I couldn't breathe." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats into the water?" To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."