Where
there's a will, I want to be in it.
The
last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But
it's still on my list.
Since
light travels faster than sound,
some
people appear bright until you
hear
them speak.
If
I agreed with you, we'd both
be
wrong.
We
never really grow up, we only
learn
how to act in public.
War
does not determine who is right -
only
who is left.
Knowledge
is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom
is not putting it in a fruit salad.
They
begin the evening news with
'Good
Evening,' then proceed to tell you
why
it isn't.
To
steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism.
To steal from many
is
research.
Buses
stop in bus stations.
Trains
stop in train stations.
On
my desk is a work station.
I
thought I wanted a career.
Turns
out I just wanted paychecks.
In
filling out an application, where it
says,
'In case of emergency, notify:'
I
put 'DOCTOR.
I
didn't say it was your fault,
I
said I was blaming you.
Women
will never be equal to men
until
they can walk down the street
with
a bald head and a beer gut,
and
still think they are sexy.
Behind
every successful man is his
woman.
Behind the fall of a successful
man
is usually another woman.
A
clear conscience is the sign of a
fuzzy
memory.
You
do not need a parachute to skydive.
You
only need a parachute to
skydive
twice.
Money
can't buy happiness, but it sure
makes
misery easier to live with.
There's
a fine line between cuddling and
holding
someone down so they
can't
get away.
I
used to be indecisive.
Now
I'm not so sure.
You're
never too old to learn
something
stupid.
To
be sure of hitting the target,
shoot
first and call whatever
you
hit the target.
Nostalgia
isn't what it used to be.
Change
is inevitable, except from
a
vending machine.
Going
to church doesn't make you
a
Christian any more than standing
in
a garage makes you a car.
Where
there's a will, there are relatives
I'm
supposed to respect my elders,
but
at my age, its getting harder and
harder
for me to find one now.
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