Flying

It’s the most basic prank, because nobody would have a clue: Tell them you’re landing in one place, and actually land somewhere else! That’s what one American Eagle pilot did in 2008 on a flight from New York to Cleveland. The plane was already behind schedule, so the pilot told the passengers, just for kicks, that the flight was being diverted to Toledo. Then he landed in Cleveland. Boy, were they confused when they found out they were exactly where they were supposed to be, only late.

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."



Flying Blonde
        A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"
        The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"
        The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry". . . gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
        The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."


Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, 'What was the problem?'
'The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,' explained the flight attendant, 'and it took us a while to find a new pilot.'



Two pilots got to talking on a transatlantic flight. The captain was Jewish, and the co-pilot was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn't care for each other.
After thirty minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don't like Chinese."
The co-pilot replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"
The pilot said, "You guys bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
The co-pilot said, "Nooooo, noooo .... Chinese no bomb Pearl Harbah. JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbah."
The pilot answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter. You're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence ensued. Finally, the co-pilot said, "I no like Jew."
The pilot replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
The pilot tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same."



There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, 'Hey! Where am I?' To this, the solitary office worker replies, 'You're in a plane.'
The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. 'Simple,' replies the pilot, 'I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 per cent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there I knew the airport was just 5 miles away.'




Douglas, a pilot, was well known for his absent-mindedness. He was invited to pilot a new flying boat. Douglas really enjoyed flying the 'boat'. After spending a couple of hours in the air, Doug decided that it was time to land. He was about to make a landing on the ground when his co-pilot, Percy, reminded him that they were supposed to land on the sea.
'Yes, I know. I was just testing you,' answered Douglas, 'I am not that absent-minded.'
So the flying boat made a safe landing on the water. Having accomplished this, Douglas smiled broadly at Percy, opened the door and stepped into the sea.