Church Bulletins

Posted 7/15/2010 9:37 AM EDT on floridatoday.com

> They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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/> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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/> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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/> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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/> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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/> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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/> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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/> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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/> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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/> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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/> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

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/> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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/> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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/> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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/> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

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/> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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/> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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/> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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/> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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/> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

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/> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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/> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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/> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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/> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance..

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