Dear Tide

Dear Tide:

                   

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have.

I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me

it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine

on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring

husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was,

and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction,

 all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday

told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative

Then my attorney called and said that I 

was no longer considered

a suspect in the disappearance of

 my husband.

What a relief!

Going through menopause is bad enough 

without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write to the

 Hefty bag people.