Thursday, May 17, 2012

Suthunuhs




Southerners know their summer weather report:

Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
----------------------

Southerners know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh
The crick

--------

Southerners know everybody's first name:

Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

--------

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

--------------

Southerners know their religions:

Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football

--------------

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

---------------

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

-----------------

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

--------------

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food


----------


Only a Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't
 "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

_____


Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard 
greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., 
make up "a mess."

_____


Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the
general direction of "yonder."

_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly"
 is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

_____


Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" 
is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance 
that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

_____


All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

_____


Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best 
gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a

plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato
 salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they

also know to add a large banana puddin'!

_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 
"right near" and "a right far piece." They also know

that “just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

_____


Only a Southerner both knows and understands the 
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

_____


No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with
 the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

_____


A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun,
 a verb, or an adverb.

_____


Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ...
 and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

_____


Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will
 discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

_____

In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.

_____


Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.


_____


Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful;

that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that
 scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco ,

and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

_____


When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
 lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a
 genuine Southerner!

_____


Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." 
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it –

we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk"
 means you don't want buttermilk.

_____


And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities 
at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.

You just say, “Bless her sweet little heart"... 
and go your own way.

_____


To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your 

Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of

sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!

_____


And to those of you who are still having a hard time 
understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts,

I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as 
a second language!


_____


Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends 
are fah-evah !



There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living"
 for good reason. There
ain't nobody interested in livin' up


north, nobody would buy the magazine!



Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised
 in the South or wish they had a’been! If you're a Northern

transplant, bless your little heart, fake it.
 We know you got here as fast as you could.









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