Minnesota Humor

On their honeymoon trip they were 

nearing Minneapolis when Ole put

his hand on Lena 's knee 

Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go

 farther than that if you vant to.'

So Ole drove to Duluth.

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS

When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents 

in the outhouse, he immediately

threw in his watch and billfold. 

He explained, 'I'm not going down

 dere yust  for 50 cents.'

THAT'S HER !

 A Norwegian appeared with five other

 men in a rape case police line-up. 

As the victim entered the room, 

the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'

 SWIM COMPETITION

 A Swedish woman competed with a French woman

 and an English woman in the Breast Stroke 

division of an English Channel swim competition.

The Frenchwomancame in first, the Englishwoman

 second. The Swede reached shore completely

 exhausted.

 After being revived with blankets and coffee, 

she remarked, 'I don't vant to

complain, but I tink dose other two girls

used der arms.'

 FAMOUS INVENTIONS

The Swedes invented the toilet seat.

Twenty years later the Norwegians 

invented the hole in it.

VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE

Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing

 in Canada and returned with only one fish. 

'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400'

 said the first Norwegian

'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price

it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'

BAR RIDDLE

A Swede took a trip to Fargo , North Dakota .

While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool

 spoke to him in a friendly manner ... 

'Look,' he said, 'let's have a game if you

 answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you can't,

 then you buy ME one, Okay?'

 'Ya, dat sounds purty good,' said the Swede.

 The Indian said, 'My father and my mother 

had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't

my sister.  Who was it?' 

The Swede scratched his head and finally said,

 'I give up. Who vas 

it?' 'It was ME,' chortled the Indian. 

So the Swede paid for the drinks.

 Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a 

bar and spotted one of his cronies,

'Sven,' he said, 'I got a game. If you can

 answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If 

you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun.

Fairenough?' 

'Fair enough,' said Sven.

 Okay . . .. my fadder and mudder had  vun

child. It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my

 sister, Who vas it?' 

'Search me,'said Sven. 

'I give up. Who vas it?' 

'It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.'

 FINGERNAILS

One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda

that she had finally cured her nervous 

husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his

 nails.

 'Good gracious,' said Hilda, 'How did

yew ever dew that?' 

'It vas really simple,' was Lena 's reply...

 'I yust hid his false teeth.'

 THE RELATIONS

Ole and Lena were getting on in years. 

Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.

One evening they were sitting on the porch

in their rockers and Ole reached over and 

patted Lena on her knee. ' Lena , vat ever 

happened tew our sex relations?' He asked.

'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena.

 'I don't tink ve even got a card

from dem last Christmas.'

 MUSIC SOLUTION

 Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.

 A few weeks later, Lars inquired how

she was doing with it. 

'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch 

to a clarinet.' 

'How come?' asked Lars. 

'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a 

clarinet, she can't sing.

THE PRANK CALL

The phone rings in the middle of the night

when Ole and Lena are in bed and

Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I 

know, dats two tousand miles from here'

 he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?'

 asks Lena . 'I donno, some fool wanting to

 know if da coast vas clear.

 Ole was arrested one night while walking bare

 naked down the street of the little town of

 Minnetonka , Minnesota . 

The policeman, who was a good  friend of Ole's

 said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing? 

Where are your clothes? You're naked.' 

'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over

 to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party.

 Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and girls.'

 'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked. 

'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody

 get into the bedroom!'So vee all go into the 

bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git 

naked!' 

'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells,

'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here.