*Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too
seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer
Relations.*
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in
airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have
been heard or reported:
---o0o---
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight
attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here,
find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as
much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o--
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the
flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the
overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: “Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to
operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how
to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child,
pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased
to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o—
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard
attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know
what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault,
it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was
the asphalt."
---o0o—
Overheard on a Kulula flight into
bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it.
After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your
seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to
the gate!"
---o0o—
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o—
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a
cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am,"
said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or
were we shot down?"
---o0o—
After a real crusher of a landing in
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
---o0o—
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll
think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o—
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the
smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you
can smoke 'em."
---o0o--- ****
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