Thursday, August 25, 2011

Lie Detector Robot

Lie Detector Robot


John was a salesman's delight when it came

to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife,

Marsha, had long ago given up trying to get

him to change.



One day John came home with another one

of his unusual purchases.



It was a robot that John claimed was actually

a lie detector. At 5:30 that afternoon, his 11

year old son, Tommy, returned home from

school two hours late.



"Where have you been? Why are you over

2 hours late getting home?" asked John.



"Several of us went to the library to work

on an extra credit project," said Tommy.



The robot walked around the table and

slapped Tommy, knocking him completely

out of his chair.



"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie

detector, now tell us where you really

were after school."



"We went to Bobby's house and watched

a movie." said Tommy.



"What did you watch?" asked his mother.



"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.



The robot went around to Tommy and once

again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.



With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat

down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really

watched a tape called Sex Queen."



"I am ashamed of you son," said John.

When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."



The robot walked around to John and

delivered a whack that knocked


him out of his chair.



Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost

in tears, and said, "Boy, did you ever ask

for that one! You can't be too mad

with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"



The robot walked around to Marsha

and knocked her out of her chair.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Little Politics?

The English language has some


wonderfully anthropomorphic collective


nouns for the various groups of animals.



We are all familiar with a Herd of cows,

a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and


a Gaggle of geese.


However, less widely known is a Pride


of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as


their cousins the rooks and ravens),


an Exaltation of doves and, presumably


because they look so wise, a Parliament

of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons.


They are the loudest, most dangerous,


most obnoxious, most viciously


aggressive and least intelligent of all


primates. And what is the proper


collective noun for a group of baboons?

A congress

I guess that pretty much explains the


things that come out of Washington!

And. slightly politically biased, but funny:

A man walked into a very high-tech bar.


As he sat down on a stool he noticed


that the bartender was a robot. The

robot clicked to attention and asked,


"Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then


replied? "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times


and mixed the best martini the man


had ever had.



The robot then asked, "Sir, what is


your IQ?" The man answered "Oh,


about 164."



The robot then proceeded to discuss


the 'theory of relativity', inter-stellar


space travel', the latest medical


breakthroughs, etc...

The man was most impressed. He


left the bar but thought he would


try a different tact. He returned and


took a seat. Again the robot clicked


and asked what he would have?


"A martini please."

Again it was superb.? The robot again


asked "What is your IQ sir?"



This time the man answered ,


"Oh about 100". So the robot started


discussing NASCAR racing, the latest


basketball scores, and what to expect


the Dodgers to do this week end.

The guy had to try it one more time.


So he left, returned and took a stool....


Again a martini, and the question,


"What is your IQ?" This time the man


drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".



The robot clicked then leaned close


and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e...


y-o-u-r...


p-e-o-p-l-e...


r-e-a-l-l-y


g-o-i-n-g...


t-o...


n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e...


M-i-c-h-e-l-l-e...B-A-C-H-M-A-N-N?