Investment Tips for 2014

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2014: 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace. 2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker. 3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood. 4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa. 5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP. 6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild. 7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants. 8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

Heart Attack and Water

        

How many folks do you know who say they don't want to drink anything before going to bed because they'll have to get up during the night  ???

Heart Attack and Water - I never knew all of this! Interesting.......

I asked my Doctor why do people need to urinate so much at night time.

Answer from my Cardiac Doctor -

Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are standing (legs swell).

When you lie down and the lower body (legs and etc.) seeks level with the kidneys, it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier. This then ties in with the last statement!

I knew you need your minimum water to help flush the toxins out of your body, but this was news to me.

Correct time to drink water.  Very Important. >From A Cardiac Specialist!

Drinking water at a certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:

    

2 glasses of water

after waking up -

helps activate

internal organs,

      

1 glass of water

30 minutes before

a meal - helps digestion,

          

1 glass of water

before taking a bath -

helps lower blood pressure,

          

1 glass of water before going to bed - avoids stroke or heart attack

I can also add to this... my Physician told me that water at bed time will also help prevent night time leg cramps.

Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a Charlie Horse.

FOUR OF THE YEAR'S BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES

 

 

NUMBER 1:  If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility..... Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes, sir, I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes, sir.' Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.   NUMBER 2:  Now We Know Why He Was a General ----- In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."  NUMBER 3:  Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? "Oh, no ma'am. We don't go there to talk."    NUMBER 4: Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft, you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace, we will launch interceptor aircraft!' Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' Air Defense Site: (... Total silence)

Age Test

 AGE TEST

Can you guess all of these? 
AGE TEST!!!  
WHAT IS THIS? 

Rules to live by.

1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon and some days 
> you're
> the statue!
>
> 2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to 
> eat
> them.
>
> 3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
> middle of it.
>
> 4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by 
> their
> Maker.
>
> 5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
>
> 6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
> probably worth it.
>
> 7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
> warning to others.
>
> 8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
>
> 9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because 
> then you
> won't have a leg to stand on.
>
> 10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
> 11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep 
> late.
>
> 12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
>
> 13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
>
> 14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you 
> live.
>
> 15 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
>
> 16 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are 
> pretty
> and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different 
> colors, but
> they all have to live in the same box.
>
> 17 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a 
> detour.
>
> 18 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you
> today.
>
> AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
>
> 19 * Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!
>
>

'OLD' IS

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN.. 
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...  
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.
         (I typed this in large font, so you can read it)

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1.    Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.