WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder  Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to  look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the  upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes  first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe  Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"  Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom,  too..."
4. Torrin Polk, University of  Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets  us wear earrings.."
5. Football  commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be  called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball  player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no  matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a  FloridaState football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height.."  And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would  anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not  Princeton "
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago  Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above  his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my  clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing  trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a  guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it  is."
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina  State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared  nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm  going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room
 temperature in January)
12. Frank  Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is  it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I  don't care.'"
13. Shelby Metcalf,  basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who  received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much  time on one subject."
14. In the words  of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am  amphibious.
15. AmarilloHigh School  and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on  all the
road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss  good-bye."