ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two
antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't
much, but the reception was excellent..

2. A jumper cable walks into a
bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start
anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted..

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra..

5. A man walks into
a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:
"A beer please, and one
for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing
The Green, Green Grass of Home."
   "That sounds like Tom
Jones Syndrome."
   "Is it
common?"
   "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are
standing next to each other in a field.  Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was
artificially inseminated this morning."
   "I don't believe
you," says Dolly.
   "It's true; no bull!" exclaims
Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day, but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a
serious accident.  He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know, I
amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a
seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel..

14. What do you call a
fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Not surprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

17.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing
in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories.

   After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office, and asked
them to disperse.
   "But why," they
asked, as they moved off.
   "Because," he said. "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."

18. A woman has twins,
and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt , and
is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of
Ahmal.. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've
seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good) A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A
dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that
there was
"a small medium at large."

21. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the
puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.