ARTHUR

ARTHUR Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking sad. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I  couldn’t see where it went.” His wife makes him a cup of tea, and says, “Why don't you take my brother  with you and give it one more try.” “That's no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.” “He may be a hundred and three,” says his wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.” So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to his brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?” “Of course I did!” replied his brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.” “Where did it go?” says Arthur. “I don’t remember.”

Corporate Culture

Golfers are a little strange

GOLFERS ARE A STRANGE BREED A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming tohelp you. "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" sheasks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  A reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular.  Your name is synonymous with the game of golf.  You really know your way around the course.  What's your secret?" Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% A young man and a priest are playing together.  It's a short Par-3. The priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.  The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our heads down."  %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Police were called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know -- five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."  %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found it and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.  Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked,"Are you a good golfer?"The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  The bride was escorted down the aisle.  When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.  She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"