Perk ups

While I sat in the reception area
of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went
to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
his mother's lap and walked over to
the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
man's, he said, I know how you feel. My
mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'

*****

As I was nursing
my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
Never having seen anyone breast feed
before, she was intrigued and full of all
kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked,
'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she

knows how to use them..'

*****

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old
granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
to be with your friends and you won't go
walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do
now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be
too old to do all those things anyway.'

******

Working as a pediatric
nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving immunization shots to children..
One day, I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder,

'No, thank you! No, thank you!

******

On the way back from a Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
how do they get there in the first place?' After my
son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally
spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't
know the answer.'

*****

Just before I
was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old
son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm
going to be away for a long time,' I told
him. 'I'm going to Iraq.' 'Why?' he
asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going
on over there?'

*****

Paul Newman
founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
the kids. A counselor at a nearby
table, suspecting the young patients
wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, that's the man who made this camp
possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on
his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares.
‘Well, you've probably seen his face on
his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl
perked up. 'How long was he missing?'

*****

.... and my personal favorite is...........

God's Problem Now:
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished,
when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed
by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little, old man looked at the pastor and
calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

Donating?

After hurricane Andrew, I joined up with a convoy arranged by the “Soup Kitchen” of Fort Myers. My job was to take my truck full of juice and water bottles across the state to Homestead. Nearing our destination I was amazed at all the pine trees that looked like they had been sawed off. There was total devastation everywhere. Our convoy got split up when we reached a major intersection. The stop lights were dangling down in the street and an overweight Highway Patrolman was directing traffic. His uniform was drenched in sweat and his face was red as a beet. In one hand he held a Burger King sandwich, that someone had given him. So! I wasn't upset that I lost the rest of the convoy.

I eventually hooked up with a National Guard foot patrol, and we went around distributing the liquids. In the middle of the afternoon, we came upon a little disaster relief center. The Red Cross was selling coffee for 50 cents. The Salvation Army was giving it away. Kinda makes you wonder-----

Donating - Interesting, ever wonder where that donation money goes?


Keep these facts in mind when "donating". As you open your pockets
for yet another natural disaster, keep the following facts in mind; we
have listed them from the highest (worse paid offender) to the lowest
(least paid offender).


The worst offender was yet again for the 11th year in a row is, UNICEF - CEO,
receives $1,200,000 per year, (plus use of a Rolls Royce for his exclusive
use where ever he goes, and an expense account that is rumored to be well
over $150,000.) Only pennies from the actual donations goes to the UNICEF
cause (less than $0.14 per dollar of income).


The second worst offender this year is Marsha J. Evans, President and CEO
of the American Red Cross... for her salary for the year ending in 2009 was
$651,957 plus expenses. Enjoys 6 weeks - fully paid holidays including
all related expenses during the holiday trip for her and her husband and
kids. including 100% fully paid health & dental plan for her and her family,
for life. This means out of every dollar they bring in, about $0.39 goes to
related charity causes.



The third worst offender was again for the 7th time was, Brian Gallagher,
President of the United Way receives a $375,000 base salary (U. S. funds),
plus so many numerous expense benefits it's hard to keep track as to what it
is all worth, including a fully paid lifetime membership for 2 golf courses
(1 in Canada, and 1 in the U. S. A.), 2 luxury vehicles, a yacht club membership,
3 major company gold credit cards for his personal expenses... and so on. This
equates to about $0.51 per dollar of income goes to charity causes.


Fourth worst offender who was also again in the fourth spot, for every year since
this information has been made available from the start 1998 is amazingly yet again,
World Vision President (Canada) receives $300,000 base salary, (plus supplied -
a home valued in the $700,000 - $800,000 dollar value range, completely furnished,
completely paid all housing expenses, including taxes, water/sewer, telephone/fax,
HD/high speed cable, weekly maid service and pool/yard maintenance, fully paid
private schooling for his children, upscale automobile and an $55,000 personal
expense account for clothing/food, with a $125,000 business expense account).
Get this, because it is a "religious based" charity, it pays, little to no taxes, can
receive government assistance and does not have to declare were the money goes.
Only about $0.52 of earned income per dollar is available for charity causes.

Of the sixty some odd "charities" we looked at, the lowest paid
(President/C. EO/Commissioner) was heading up a charity group
in Canada . We found, believe it or not, it was......

Ready for this..

I think you might be surprised...

It is, none other than...

The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary
of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2
Billion dollar organization. Which means about $0.93 per dollar earned,
is readily available and goes back out to local charity causes... truly amazing
.. and well done



No further comment is necessary..."Think Twice" before you give to your
Charity of choice as to which one really does the best for the most - or the
least for the most, for that matter. Remember charity starts at home. Look after the people of this country.

Vance AFB JSUPT Video

Helpful Hints

Fiction and Fact, from Gpabud's almanac

Who knew? Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers? Did you know that Colgate Toothpastemakes an excellent salve for burns? Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose. Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles. Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. Soar throat! Just mix 1/4 cup vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never advertised for this use. Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight. Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again. Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly. Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... Cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head. Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic. Vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process. Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain. I'm gone...!!!