WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet,
I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come
shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to
him
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
THE BEST ONE BY FAR!
A man walks into a pharmacy
and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him
if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and
a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you
were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of
cigarettes, and she came back
with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause
it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ...........
so does she..
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for
several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, '
Relatives of
yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about
how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you
can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at
the same time..
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument
about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because
you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as
long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge
of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that
is your job, and I can just wait for
my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened
the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says
'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some
problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would need his
wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his
flight Furious, he was about to
go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper
by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man
before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before
the masterpiece
