No Nursing Home for Me

No nursing home for us. We'll be

checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing

home care costing $188.00 per day, there

is a better way when we get old and too

feeble.
I've already checked on reservations at

the Holiday Inn.

For a combined long term stay discount

and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night.

Breakfast is included, and some have

happy hours in the afternoon.

That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and

dinner in any restaurant we want, or

room service, laundry, gratuities and

special TV movies.

Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool,

a workout room, a lounge and washer-

dryer, etc.

Most have free toothpaste and razors,

and all have free shampoo and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the

entire staff scrambling to help you.

They treat you like a customer, not a

patient.

There's a city bus stop out front, and

seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick you up

(if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church

bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport

shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice

restaurants there.

While you're at the airport, fly

somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps

building up.

It takes months to get into decent

nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take

your reservation today.

And you're not stuck in one place

forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn,

or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii ? They have

Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need

changing? Need a mattress replaced?

No problem.. They fix everything, and

apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and

daily room service. The maid checks to

see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an

ambulance . . . or the undertaker.

If you fall and break a hip, Medicare

will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will

upgrade you to a suite for the rest of

your life.

And no worries about visits from

family. They will always be glad to find

you, and probably check in for a few

days mini-vacation.

The grandkids can use the pool.

What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face

it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING!

To all of you approaching 50 or have

REACHED 50 and past, this email is

especially for you......

SENIOR CITIZENS

ARE THE NATION'S LEADING

CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV

(Hair is Vanishing)